Quantum Moronics

SHOCKER: Trains can kill!

Seattle was rocked by yesterday's announcement that lounging on railroad tracks for fun can get you smooshed by a train.  Indeed, these are times of amazement and discovery!  And just get a load of this brilliant quote:

We've got different amusements, different types of things that, you know, that kind of satisfy us and amuse us.  We used to do this all the time... That's why everybody's in disbelief because, you know, like, we've done it so much that we didn't realize that a freak accident would happen like this.

A freak accident, are you fucking kidding me?  Dude, like, how high ARE you, anyway??  This was no freak accident, it was Nature scrubbing the gene pool.  And if you're going to mourn him by going back down to sit on the tracks, maybe you should stick around a while so Nature can finish the job.

Goddamn, people are stupid.

The latest threat to marriage: penguins

Didja hear about the homosexual penguins who adopted an egg when the egg's parents kept kicking it out of the nest?  (No, there's no punchline.) 

Of course, many unwanted children are adopted this way (by humans, not penguins) and they turn out just fine, though a lot of people refuse to believe it.  Gay men and women can be parents together, and their kids turn out just fine, thank you.

I can see it now:  this will somehow lead to the assertion that gay marriage will lead to unholy unions between men and penguins.  Some douchebag preacher will get himself on T.V. and say, "It's Adam and EVE, not Adam and--uh, Steve the Penguin! Protect marriage from homo flightless waterfowl!"

PETA's latest act of assholery is a doozy

So the American Veterinary Medical Association is having a convention here in Seattle, and they thought it would be fun to have a team-building exercise starring the famous fish throwers from Pike Place Market.  You know, the guys who impressively toss fish across the room when someone buys them?

Cue the psychotic fucktards of PETA.  They're claiming that throwing dead fish is like "throwing dead kittens."  I shit you not.

Now, I'm all for stopping animal cruelty, but what the HELL does this have to do with that?  Nothing, obviously.  The fish are fucking DEAD.  It's just a way for PETA to get some attention in the news, so I'm guessing their membership must be down this year.  Shit, if these people had their way, fishing would be banned globally and people would starve to death...unless they switched to eating only vegetables.  But what about those veggie rights, can't you hear the carrots scream??

Now the AVMA is considering dropping the fish-throwing thing, cowering like dogs with tails tucked.  Shame on them if they back down, and a double fuck-you to PETA for forgetting how many animal lives are saved by veterinarians every single day.  PETA has proven itself to be a completely useless organization once again.

People like this are actually trying to "save" marriage from the gays!

Here in WA, the crusader leading the campaign to make marriage "between a man and a woman for life" has been divorced TWICE.  He's also been accused of domestic abuse against both wife and child.  Well, isn't that interesting?  How decent, how moral, how Christian.  What a fuckin' dirtbag.

So the queer gay homos are going to "destroy marriage", hmmm?  Maybe it's time to outlaw divorce altogether so you serial divorcees can remember what marriage is supposed to be about.

Is waterboarding torture? Ask Mancow, the girly-man

"Mancow", one of the many loudmouthed douchebags of radio, has been demanding that waterboarding isn't torture...so he volunteered to try it himself.  How long did he last?  Well, let's just say it was far less than your average torture victim.  So I guess he's both full of shit AND a wuss. 

Heh...I love it when über-macho types embarrass themselves. Now, if only we could get all these right-wing media twats to try it, we'd be in business!